Heroes

Have you ever wonder, why you are here?

Why are you at where you are now, at this exact location, at this exact moment. What are you supposed to influence to? What sort of chain-of-events will you triggered, by simply being there?

Everything happens for a reason, or at least we tend to believe so. But what is the reason? And is it significance enough, - when, after all being said and done - compared to the vast size of our universe?

Are we just a speck of life? Because universe is vast? What if, we are really alone in this Universe. Wasn't now we become the only one that matter?

And then, it came to the first question again; why am I here? What was I supposed to do here, at this exact location, and at this exact moment?

Everybody probably going through life believing that they are the main character of their own stories. But what if our lives turn out to be the exact opposite?

The fact is, my life probably was never about me. My fights were always for someone or something else. My action is for a greater purposes that won't even serve me back. My position is to serve others so that they can serve better. I am the supportive actor for the supportive actors and actresses . They themselves probably will never be at the center stage, but I probably never being out of their shadows at all...

Is the reason I am here, at this exact location and at this exact moment is to influence something even bigger, that I can't even see it yet? Is it by this writing?

Or is it really for nothing? An exercise in futile. A speck of dust in even a less-significance speck of dust?

Man, that would be hell...

T/t: Tears me open. I believe, God will send you all to bleed. God will send you all to tear me open...

Dream on Little Boy, Because Even When You're Dying Slowly Inside, Your Dream Stays On...

When I started, heck, even before I've started, I was already been laugh off. Probably I would never be taken serious enough in this. I mean, first impression, right? Always so judgmental, and often so so very wrong. But I guess there aren't too many - or will there ever be - someone like me? I already forgive him, seeing for a fact that, without him, I probably will never even been here in the first place.

The time when I used to be young

It wasn't a smooth sailing. And I, for once, will never believe that for everything that anyone achieved, it is because they were born for it. Nu-uh, no way! There must be a hard time they had to endure to somehow reach there. The sacrifices, the pains, the sweats. The bad and the sweetest of memory, probably have to be mixed up before anyone can confidently said that they are successful in the field they are in.

A GrandMaster from Korea once compliment my kick. As a Taekwondoist, I can already drop dead smiling at tht time.

I think about my sacrifices as I type this. I guess the driving force is the desire to be with it. I don't mind doing things repetitively. I don't mind doing things that I don't understand at first, as long as I know it will bring me the goodness in the future. I don't mind doing these all alone. I don't mind the loneliness, because anyone else doesn't really matter, and I also came to term that, different people has different ways and struggles, therefore I can't hope for people to follow my exact footsteps. I don't mind that too. 

I don't mind it - the blood, sweat and tears. If I could repeat it all over again, I guess I'll be doing just that! 

Of two Masters that I have an honor to learn with.

Now, you see, at times, I still full of doubt over it. I'm thinking hard at times about it. "Am I doing this right?" "Is there a better way to do this?" "Why there are seems like there aren't any progress?" "Am I taking risk teaching them something wrong, or worst, something that isn't effective at all?"

It was there all the time.

Sometimes when I think about it, I wonder, why did I even get to this business. I used to watch kung-fu movies, like Kungfu Panda for example, and thinking about it myself, "Is it good to teach other people what I know and risked that they used it for something bad and totally for the wrong reason than the reason I taught them at the first place?" "Will I raised a hero, or will I raised a villain?" "Would they become so powerful that I had no hope to defeat them at all if they go off-trail?" Or, "Would I turn up be bad, and that's going to effect them, and would destroy their life as they know it?"

Above and below: The Next Generation.

I know what you're thinking, that I am over thinking. But I can't escape this.

The thing is, what makes it worth it? To whom did I really owe this, that makes me seems to work so hard - without complain - as if I was trying to pay back whatever it is I seems to be on debt with?

Sometimes I think about, will I ever being out of this thing? Will I ever quit? It makes me thinking about how did it all started? How and when did I decided that this is something I want to do for the rest of my life? What or / and who has led me to believe that, I should stay and keep doing this?

Visiting Kukkiwon in 2013 was a dream come true.

Why did I feel like this is the most satisfying thing that I ever do, and why did I feel like I can live with this and forget about almost everything else in this world?

What pain me is that, as I type all those questions, my memory played-back to the moment where all of the questions been answered. Turns out, I know all along the answer for all that. This at least proved that, all that I ever did here (in Taekwondo) is from my own consciousness. And that is a good thing.

To be honest, at this length of this writing, I almost forgot already about why I wrote this at the first place. I guess it was that I was trying to find some meaning to it. Some reason, or some whatever, to justify everything it is. I wonder, I mean, if you can go back in time, and see 10 years old me, and you tell him that, "One day you're going to learn martial art, get black belt in it, have a school of students, and some will even genuinely look up to you, and some would probably didn't even want to see you in eyes anymore (for whatever reason it was?)." I know for a fact that he will be laughing off at you.

That's how far I came. From a boy who think martial arts are stupid in the era of guns, here I am, thinking about, how can I even get by without this kind of knowledge for a second?

I am here now. It wasn't easy.

To be fair, it wasn't the best achievement anyone ever achieved either. I can do something else in my life. In fact, instructor wasn't something I dream of about to become when I started it or ever in my life. I was even been mock as not good enough, been laugh off even at the idea of joining the art. I guess I can given up then. But I don't. I also can given up during all those years they make fun of my preference, but I don't. I can given up when - even after getting my first Dan - I couldn't even won a single sparring match, but I don't. I can given up after school years, going into matriculation, and without a proper training for a year, but I don't. I can given up when, while looking for Taekwondo club in my university during the Club Registration Week, where I can't find where the hell was Taekwondo booth at that time, but I don't. I can given up when, I came to realization that my university Taekwondo club and instructor wasn't an easy place to be and that even my junior belts sometimes better and have more potential than I am, but I don't. 

People come and go, but I stay. I'm not given up, and truth is, I can't see myself doing something else and be happy, more than I am when I'm doing this art.

And did I ask is it worth it?

Of course it is. With every single breath and every single beating of my heart beat...

talkIZcheap,

Taekwondo, 5th Dan CMK

Taekwondo, 4th Dan Kukkiwon. 

T/t:

The Comedian

Heard a joke once:

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in the threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great Clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."

Man burst into tears. Says,

"But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

How to Teach Taekwondo

How to train people Taekwondo?

As a Dan's holder, and someone who has been trained to coach, I have an obligation to teach when someone came up to me and ask me to train them Taekwondo. I'm not like an old master in the classic martial art movie when anyone who want to train under me need to somehow prove himself worthy or anything. I make it as if it was my social duty to share whatever it is that I know that can benefit the society. Martial arts included

But when someone ask me to teach them Taekwondo, the above question came to my.mind. Yes, how to teach?

Taekwondo is a modern martial art. What that's even mean?

Meaning that, other that it was form pretty new, that is after World War II. While the origin can be track long into ancient Korean's History, the current forms and organization of the art itself was not on the map until after World War II. It was one hell of long story and it wasn't the real purposed I was writing this, so I guess you have to google it yourself.

Also means that, Taekwondo, other than it's obvious striking technique used to hitting somebody or something, is also divided to certain, what we call, branches...

There are Sport's Taekwondo, Artistic/Gymnastic Taekwondo, Self-defense Taekwondo and also the basic/forms of it. All of the above combined will give you the whole Martial Arts Taekwondo.

But when people, ordinary, every day civilian people, ask you to teach them Taekwondo, it did occur to me, what types of Taekwondo did he want to learn?

The thing is, it will be different if the person go to a Taekwondo dojang and registered themselves to learn the arts (which I would always recommended of). Doing it properly means that you're up to train yourself on the whole Martial Arts of Taekwondo, which mean, learn all that I mentioned above.

The problem is when people asking me personally to train them in Taekwondo. Without registration. Without formality, without dobok (the uniform), without grading systems (the belts) and so on...

I mean, I can teach them certain self-defense technique if all that they want is to learn how to defense one-self on the street. But I will be lying to myself if I thought that will be enough for them to be able to used the technique learn in Taekwondo if they didn't train all the aspects of it!

Did they want to learn the striking part? Or the 'ninja move', which is to disable one opposition with less moved possible? Or to be able to kill someone with a single strike? Or flying around like the kungfu master watched in the Hong Kong finest movies? What would be their motivation?

If they are serious, I will suggest them to join the real class/dojang. If they aren't that serious, but only look for some self-defense tips, I would suggest them to just google it or watch it from the you tube or something.

You see, Taekwondo is a martial art as a whole, which mean, you can't call yourself a 'Master' without knowing all of the above (Sports, Artistic and Self-defense) parts of it. It just won't work. Or at least won't work as efficient as it would be. I mean, you probably didn't need to win a competition to proved that you're worthy of it, but at least you know all the principle, the philosophy of every aspect of it, and also to certain extent, can do it decent enough for you to used it in your own life, before even thinking about teaching others.

And when you're teaching others, you have to be absolute sure that they too will reach and understand all of the above, at least to the extent of your own understanding (even better if they understand it more than you do!)

Common people always have a misconception about the whole martial arts thing. Some said it gives you super power, the 'chi', whatever that enable you to defeated your opposition without even moving a single finger. Some said that it's enable you to defeat your enemy with a single moves and so on. The truth is, martial art is about defeating oneself from all the distraction around them and rise to the challenge lay on to them in life. Physical aspect of martial arts is to train the mental aspect of oneself. The best way of martial art usage is to win against the opponent without even laying a single finger on them, by using words (and action) of wisdom.

That is the actual goal!

Enable you to do combat is the bonus.

Anohitowa...

I don't really understand how's the world works...

Not that I really want to know or understand it, by the way.

I mean, I don't understand about half of things happening around me, or even what am I doing, but still...

I mean, like, I'm still living. So, it probably count for something, right?

I think I should go for lunch...

Lost Soul Search For Over And Over Again...

Saya belum mati lagi...

Tahniah! Tahniah!!

TalkIzCheap

I always wanted to write here. In fact, whenever I'm far away from the keyboard and the screen, the idea is like a river flowing through. But whenever I open the blog and stare to it's blank page, my mind seems to go blank as well.

When I started this thing, I was in a total different situation than I am today. Unemployed and eager towards this world, but I always a man of his own opinion, so I'm not easily fall into the trend...

But now, since selling my soul to the office work (or lab-work, depending on your definition on it), the energy became flat too easy and too fast. Office criticism always can do harm on your confidence, and at times, you feel that nothing really matter. Doing the routine seems so important and being me, I can't afford to be selfish, but I think I probably did after all...

When (the second paragraph started with a, "When") I first take the job, actually it didn't stop me from writing. I find that blogging in English help me in keeping me in distance with the good language practice. Auto-correct helps a lot though, just like it's did on the sentence above. 

I think it's more about the feeling rather than everything else. The feeling definitely wasn't there the majority of time I think I want to write something here. I guess, people change, and by that I mean, people did change their opinions on things that they almost change themselves entirely. Did my point of view change? I can safely said so. It is for the better? That the question I can't never really answer with confident enough...

Was it even worth it? To be better?

It seems that's all that I ever struggled with before. In the end, it's never good enough. Then, we'll questioned it again. For whom that we struggled? For what end did we seek after all? 

We started playing a video game. There were high scores set up by previous player. Most likely someone we know. And then, before we know it, all that we ever did since is to break that record. No matter how many time we tried, how many time we feel that it was a stupid game and a stupid record nobody care for, we still find out we're struggling on it whenever we put our minds towards it.

I guess that's life...

We always wanted to be better. No matter how trivial that field or thing that we want to be better in it seems. Sometimes we forget that, nobody really cares, except us. I like to think it that way. At times, I think I can proved it IS that way. That my failure and my success is my own. That everything we did, if we didn't mind, then, it didn't matter. I wish I am right. But somehow I know, it wasn't the case. 

And it's frustrating...

No matter how alone we think we are, there always someone, or something that will contribute to our live as a whole. If there wasn't someone or at least, something at all, we've been dead already. Family for example, is always there for you. A safe place where you go back to it and straight away you can slot in, no matter how much they change as a unit or as a group. Yeah, you can have your disagreement, but, unless you're have a tragic experience with them, most likely you don't want anything bad ever happened to your family. And of course, family isn't necessarily define by blood-related...

And then, there is a stranger that you met once on the pavement on the walk-way to your office, maybe. You never speak, you barely noticed him, but can you say it, confident;y, that he never have an influence on your life? The mystery of life is, in the chain of events, something so small inflicted by a stranger most probably ended up you meet your fateful partner. Maybe...

And then, there's a person you wish you never meet. Or two. Maybe three... 

Make it four.

But then, back to the main question, was it worth it to be better?

I guess it's depend on what your take on this world are. What is your objective, and how well did the chain of events, will lead to influence that baby fish in the pond, somewhere in tropical country, to contribute better to our ecology as a whole. Or maybe at least it won't annoyed your own blog reader or the next person you speak to.

For me, I think the struggle will continue. Mostly because my heart is at war of what I believe in, with what my experience told me to. But at least, I can say it confidently, that I had my thread where I'm holding on. And as long as the thread  isn't wearing thin, I guess I'll hold up. The thing is, it's hard to be caring again after you decide you won't...

But I guess I'll learn to let go!

Fear is zero!

Fear is Zero
Desire is Zero
Pain is Zero
Fatigue is Zero
Live is Zero
Death is Zero
Winning is Zero
Losing is Zero
Love is Zero
Hatred is Zero

You are the only One.
It's do or die
But never really matter.

Forward is the only way to go!

God Give Me Another Day

God give me another day,
I just wasted it all away,
With all the given strength,
And I still find it hard to stand
Is there a thing called fate,
Cause it seems that I've missed it...
Is there a place that can be blame?
For this flaming spirit that can't be tame!


I've sold my soul, I break my body, but I still own my blazing spirit!

Scriblely- Doo

Did you
Hear this?
I forgot
What it taste,
Your smile
Ain't as sweet.
Maybe
Someday,
I know,
You don't.
Don't tell
What else?
I see
Something
In distance
But it's
In the past.
Somewhere near,
I feel
But
Can't tell
Or
Maybe just
A denial.
Did you
Burn
After I
Wrote this?
I wish
You do.
So,
What's next?
Anything
But you.

Closer,
Closer.

Gun!

If I'm old enough to die for your mistakes...
So let's go!
Can we bleed enough to fill up what the engine need?
We don't know!

But if you're watching up above,
They're teaching me to kill,
Who's gonna teaching me to love?

Now baby,
Wasn't it's crazy?



-My Chemical Romance, Gun-

My Taekwondo Romance: Taekwondo is My Wife

Taekwondo is my life wife!

Q: At a scale from 0 - 10, how important is Taekwondo for you?

tIc: 12!

Q: Did you play any other sport?

tIc: Futsal, but non-competitive. Occasionally my housemate ask me to join them for badminton, but that wasn't really my strong area.

Q: How did you rate both sport, Taekwondo and Futsal?

Here is my answer;

Futsal is like a hot scandal that you have. She's all young and pretty with a smoking hot body, all what a man would ask for! It's thrilling, fun and offer something else that your wife couldn't. It is as if an escape route for you to feel some kind of adventure after a bored day at work.

Taekwondo however is like a wife! She's maybe not as hot or as pretty as your scandal, but she's perfect for you. She's maybe not as thrilling as your scandal, but she fulfill you! She's the one you turn on to when you need someone to share something with, happiness or grieve. She's the one you thinking of at the end of the day, the one you sacrifice yourself for the sake of both of you!

Scandal maybe fun, but you know it wasn't last. But a wife is someone that you want to spend your entire life with her. In fact, you want to grow old and die together, and live again together in hereafter.

I want to go further down the Taekwondo road, as far as I can, God-willing. But not futsal, it's just for fun. It's good as long as it last, but won't be forever.

Taekwondo is different. I'm looking forward for a day when me and my friends will gathered to play futsal, but I know at the end of the day, everyday, that I have Taekwondo to accompany me for the rest of my life. That's one thing they can never take away from me. At the end of the day, I'm thinking about Taekwondo. I want to do Taekwondo. Train it, improved it, and understand it philosophies...

Taekwondo is the way of life, something futsal, or football, will never be!




T/t: cha ryuht, kyung nae, choon bi, seijak!

Apa yang Percuma dalam 'Pendidikan Percuma'?

Pendidikan percuma. 'Percuma' merupakan perkataan yang menjadi pantang kepada rakyat Malaysia. It's too good to be ture, but we want it anyway!

Kebaikan pendidikan percuma ialah semua peringkat lapisan masayarakat akan menikmati pendidikan. Kewangan bukan lagi kekangan. Melahirkan masyarakat yang tidak buta huruf dengan berpendidikan tinggi serta berdaya saing bukan lagi satu mimpi semata-mata. Siapa berani jangka sejauh mana Malaysia boleh melangkah dengan semua ini?

Namun hakikatnya, pendidikan percuma bukanlah betul-betul percuma. Budget perlu diperuntukkan. tIc bukanlah pakar dalam hal-ehwal budget ini, namun Pakatan Rakyat nampaknya sangat yakin akan mampu melakukannya jika mereka memegang Putrajaya. Namun persoalan yang mesti timbul adalah, seberapa banyakkah budget akan diperuntukkan? Selama manakah budget ini boleh diperuntukkan? Adakah terdapat jaminan bahawa pendidikan percuma ini akan dapat terus dilakukan tanpa mengira cuaca ekonomi dan sebagainya? Rasa-rasanya, budget semestinya meningkat saban tahun, dan kerajaan pastinya menginginkan dan perlu memastikan terdapatnya jaminan bahawa kepakaran yang dihasilkan melalui pendidikan percuma ini, boleh dan pasti dapat berbakti kembali kepada negara yang 'membiayai' pendidikan mereka...

Kemudian datanglah kepada permasalahan jika pendidikan percuma dijalankan. Bagi menampung kos pendidikan percuma yang pasti naik saban tahun (kadar kelahiran meningkat, inflasi dan sebagainya), pastinya cukai akan ditingkatkan. Siapakah yang akan merasai bebanan cukai ini? Para lepasan universiti yang akhirnya akan memasuki sektor pekerjaan. Di sini, mereka akan ibarat 'membayar balik kos pendidikan' mereka dengan menampung 'kos' pendidikan adik-adik dan anak-anak mereka. Ini penting agar kelangsungan sistem ini diteruskan, jadi amat penting bagi kerajaan memastikan bahawa lepasan universiti yang 'dibiayai' mereka mampu memperoleh perkerjaan dan mempunyai pendapatan tetap dan tidak berhijrah ke negara luar dengan kepakaran mereka semata-mata mahu mendapat pulangan yang lebih lumayan! Ini baru masalah dari sudut teknikal sahja. Dalam berpuluh-puluh, malah beratus-ratus ribu orang pelajar yang tamat belajar sehingga ke peringkat menara gading dalam sistem ini, berapa ramai pula yang akan terus menyokong sistem ini selepas mereka memasuki alam pekerjaan? Remember, it's only a joke when it's not about you!

Satu lagi masalah yang mungkin timbul adalah masalah sikap. Seberapa ramaikah yang menikmati pendidikan percuma ini akan menghargai peluang ini? Kita lihat seberapa ramai yang terlepas peluang pendidikan, school drop-out, kaki ponteng dan mereka yang gagal dalam pelajaran mereka sama ada gagal dalam ujian ataupun gagal dalam menghayati pendidikan mereka, walaupun dengan sistem pendidikan berbayar sekarang ini? Siapa yang dapat menjamin bahawa dengan memberikan sesuatu yang tidak dihargai walaupun telah dibayar dengan wang ringgit sendiri, dan dengan memberikanya dengan percuma, maka ia kan lebih dihargai? Ini satu risiko yang harus kita hadapi apabila pendidikan percuma diberikan...

Seterusnya ialah masalah kemajuan dalam sistem dan proses pendidikan itu sendiri. Dengan hanya mengharapkan budget daripada kerajaan, semestinya kita akan mencapai satu tahap di mana sistem dan prose pendidikan itu tidak mampu dimajukan lagi. Apabila kos-kos infrastruktur, kos tenaga pengajar, kos utiliti dan inflasi meningkat, adalah hampir mustahil untuk kerajaan meningkatkan budget untuk pendidikan, dan agak tipis juga peluang untuk meningkatkan cukai. Pada tahap ini, kita akan melihat bahawa teknik PnP serta pendidikan kita sendiri pada situasi yang tidak mampu dimajukan lagi. 

Lalu, apa kelebihan pendidikan berbayar (Paid Education)?

Secara sepintas lalunya, ia membolehkan sektor pendidikan berdikari dan lebih berdaya saing apabila ia perlu 'hidup sendiri' tanpa mengharapkan bantuan semata-mata. Pelajar membayar harga pendidikan mereka, maka mereka berhak mendapat infrastruktur yang baik, sistem serta proses PnP yang berkesan dan sebagainya yang mana sesuai dengan apa yang dibayar oleh mereka. Pihak sekolah, atau universiti mampu terus bersaing dalam meningkatkan mutu pendidikan apabila mereka boleh berlumba-lumba menyediakan platform terbaik untuk ditawarkan kepada bakal 'pelanggan' mereka. Melalui sistem ini juga, pendidikan di negara ini tidak akan terlalu berharap kepada pembayaran cukai rakyat dan wang cukai boleh digunakan dalam sektor-sektor lain seperti pembinaan infrastruktur contohnya. Kerajaan juga tidak akan terlalu terdesak kehilangan pakar-pakar tempatan kerana ia sentiasa boleh disediakan oleh universiti-universiti tempatan yang berdaya saing. Pada masa yang sama juga, pendidikan akan lebih dihargai, terutamanya pendidikan tinggi kerana sukarnya untuk mendapat tempat dan kos pendidikan yang tinggi. Mereka yang sanggup berbelanja untuk pendidikan mereka, akan mendapat pulangan yang lebih lumayan apabila mereka memasuki alam pekerjaan. Inilah sistem yang kita namakan sebagai -reward-based!

Secara teorinya lah.

Apa pula kelemahan sistem pendidikan berbayar ini?

Secara jelasnya, keburukan pertama sudah semsetinya menimbulkan satu idea dalam diri setiap individu yang gagal melanjutkan pelajaran kerana latar belakang kewangan keluarga yang tidak mengizinkan! Pendidikan bukan lagi satu keperluan yang boleh diakses oleh semua pihak secara sama rata, tetapi adalah komoditi yang perlu direbut untuk memilikinya. Maka pada satu tahap yang kritikal, apabila pendidikan hanya menjadi hak eksklusif golongan yang berpendapatan sahaja, maka wujudlah paradoks yang seseorang itu perlu berpendidikan untuk keluar dari kemiskinan, namun sesorang itu perlulah kaya untuk mendapatkan pendidikan. Jurang antara yang kaya dengan yang miskin akan menjadi lebih ketara!

Juga, yang telah berlaku sekarang adalah menjadikan pendidikan itu sendiri sebagai komoditi utama. Berapa banyak kolej-kolej swasta yang wujud ibarat cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan dalam tempoh 2 dekad ini? Pada masa tIc masuk universiti dulu, heboh dengan cerita mengenai kolej-kolej swasta yang terpaksa ditutup kerana menawarkan kursus pengajian yang didapati tidak menepati standard yang diterima oleh kerajaan Malaysia. Sekarang juga sentiasa heboh mengenai masalah-masalah sosial yang diwujudkan oleh pendatang-pendatang asing, terutamanya dari sebelah benua Afrika, yang kebanyakannya memasuki negara ini atas tiket visa pelajar! Ini kerana pengusaha kolej-kolej swasta ini banyak yang cuba mengaut untung daripada berniat untuk memberikan pendidikan kepada masyarakat. Asal poket penuh, tawarlah kursus apa-apa pun, buat kelas dekat rumah kedai, ambil pelajar asing yang entah betul ke tidak datang untuk belajar, lepas tu cetak sijil, selesai kerja! 

Kalau di Amerika, terdapat satu istilah digunakan bagi sekolah-sekolah seni mempertahankan diri yang beroperasi untuk mengaut keuntungan semata-mata dan mengabaikan kualiti pengajaran dan pelatih mereka, iaitu istilah McDojo. Maka di sini, kolej-kolej seperti ini juga wajar kita gelarkan sebagai McCollege...

Satu lagi fenomena yang berlaku ketika ini adalah mengenai masalah identiti institusi pendidikan tinggi, sama ada awam atau swasta. Melalui sistem pendidikan berbayar, fokus utama pelajar belajar bukan lagi bagi tujuan penghayatan ilmu serta bagi mencabar intelektual masing-masing lagi, tetapi adalah bagi mendapat pekerjaan yang baik dengan bayaran yang lumayan apabila sudah tamat pengajian. Ini adalah satu mentaliti yang silap, sesilap-silapnya! Munculnya mentaliti sebegini telah menimbulkan isu-isu seperti pendakwaan sektor-sektor pekerjaan bahawa institusi-institusi pengajian tinggi ini gagal menyediakan graduan yang diperlukan oleh pasaran kerja. Dengan kekurangan set skil-skil tertentu dan semestinya kurangnya tenaga profesional yang dihasilkan mengikut dakwaan meerka, menjejaskan peluang graduan baru untuk mendapat pekerjaan. Maka telah wujud pula permintaan-permintaan agar institusi-institusi ini mewujudkan pula kursus-kursus yang sesuai dengan bidang-bidang pekerjaan yang seida ada.

Ini bukanlah secara dasarnya satu perkara yang buruk, bahkan amat penting juga bai sektor pendidikan selari dan kekal relevan dengan pasaran kerja, namun apabila kesemua kursus-kursus yang ditawarkan menjadi kursus persediaan untuk sesuatu sektor pekerjaan, maka baik sahaja tukar nama-nama universiti dan institusi pengajian tinggi kepada 'Kilang Penghasilan Pekerja'! Universiti semakin berisiko untuk kehilangan identiti mereka, sebagaimana yang pernah tIc utarakan tak lama dahulu... 

Jadi, apakah jalan penyelesaian yang terbaik?

Pada tIc pendidikan percuma itu boleh dilaksanakan, namun tidak mungkin ia boleh dilakukan sepenuhnya. Jalan terbaik adalah mengambil jalan tengah, iaitu dengan pemberian biasiswa dan bantuan pelajaran seperti mana yang telah berlaku pada hari ini. Pelajar-pelajar yang kurang berkemampuan tetapi menunjukkan minat dan potensi yang cemerlang, layak menerima bantuan dan biasiswa ini. Cuma sistem ini hendaklah lebih telus. Satu kekecualian ialah, walaupun peljar tersebut daripada golongan atau keluarga yang mampu, namun jika mereka juga menunjukkan prestasi yang cemerlang, maka mereka juga layak mendapat tawaran sebegini. Maka secara tak langsung, kita telah menyediakan platform bagi golongan miskin untuk meneruskan pembelajaran dan pada masa yang sama memperkenalkan sistem berasaskan ganjaran kepada pelajar-pelajar yang cemerlang tanpa mengira latar belakang mereka!

Sistem pendidikan haruslah dikekalkan neutral dan bebas daripada pengaruh mana-mana anasir bukan akademik. Pendidikan bukanlah sekadar belajar di dalam kelas, ambil nota, buat assignment dan ambil ujian untuk lulus dan dapat sijil/diploma/ijazah untuk buat interview kerja sahaja. Pendidikan harus pergi lebih jauh daripada itu, terutamanya pendidikan tinggi! Sebab itulah institusi pendidikan harus mampu menampung diri mereka sendiri dan tidak dicampuri oleh pihak kerajaan sangat, terutamanya dari segi kurikulum mereka. tIc tidak melihat perkara ini dapat dilaksanakan jika pendidikan ditanggung sepenuhnya oleh pihak kerajaan. Pada masa yang sama juga, pendidikan harus dikawal daripada dijadikan bahan kmoditi bagi golongan tidak bertanggung jawab menjadikannya sebagai sumber keuntungan semata-mata. PTPTN wajar dikekalkan pada pandangan tIc sekadar untuk memastikan bahawa pelajar-pelajar yang ke menara gading menghargai peluang dan pendidikan mereka kerana ia dibayar oleh titik peluh mereka sendiri, kelak. Tidaklah mereka membuang masa dan terus lalai kerana apa yang mereka dapat semuanya percuma. Yang berbayar pun masih ramai yang leka, apatah lagi kalau sudah percuma?! Para mahasiswa baru-baru ini dengan lantangnya meng-klaim diri mereka sebagai pemimpin masa hadapan, dan walaupun bukan niat tIc untuk menafikan keyakinan mereka, namun mereka haruslah mebuktikan dakwaan mereka itu dengan bukan sekadar berkata-kata...

Cuma part PTPTN tu, kalau boleh hapuskanlah caj yang melibatkan riba', itu sahaja permintaan tIc!

T/t: Everybody want to change the world, everybody want to change the world, but no-one, no-one wants to die!

"Happiness" is 7 Letters Word (With P and S repeated)

Bahagia itu adalah;

Apabila anda menerima satu lorongan bola tepat ke arah anda, tetapi di depan anda adalah seorang pemain pertahanan yang lebih gembira menghancurkan kaki anda daripada menyekat bola, dan dia telah terlepas bola tersebut. Maka anda menahan bola tersebut dengan kaki kiri (atau kaki anda yang lebih lemah) untuk mengawal pergerakan bola tersebut, membetulkan gerak badan anda sedikit agar anda memperoleh postur yang baik untuk merembat, dan merembat bola itu dengan kaki kiri anda tadi dari sudut sukar, dan ia menewaskan penjaga gol pihak lawan!

Genius adalah;

Melakukan perkara di atas sebagai rutin harian...

My Taekwondo Romance: The 4th...

I remember the first punch like it's was yesterday,
The start of my journey to the Foot and Fist Way,
So many that I've thrown that I stop count at ten,
I punch like a million more since then.

I also remember the First Dan Grading,
From basic to sparring and finish with breaking,
Every steps I remembered and the feeling still breathtaking,
It mark a journey that had just starting.

2nd Dan was also so memorable,
It's first in UKM and it's even harder,
Breaking the plank that were even thicker,
But breaking the spirit it wasn't coz it's getting stronger.

3rd Dan was after I'm finishing school,
Learning my way on the adulthood,
Better understanding of the way of the art,
Learning to unlearn and filling up the heart.

In a week from now,
I'm gonna go for the 4th,
Keep training on how and how,
Hoping that I can go with the force.

Practice make perfect,
but we don't practice to be perfect,
We practice to do well,
Coz it's how we adapt.

T/t: Just because I've been here for 14 years,
Doesn't mean I can't feel nervous!

It's Hard...

It's hard to motivate yourself when in truth you know that, even from the day-one, you are unneeded and unwanted. It even harder when you realizes that you are the unneeded and unwanted among the unneeded and unwanted, mistake among the mistakes! LOL!!

But ask me again how it's feel like?



I don't know, after all, I'm the one who has emotion-less, eh? : p



T/t: What was left when the fire was gone?

The World Is Ugly

And the world is ugly,

But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me,

Like I'm thinking of you?

I will say I'm sorry, though...

Though I really need to go.

I just wanted you to know...

I wanted you to know...

I wanted you to know...

I'm thinking of you

every night, every day!

-MCR 2012-

88

To me it's all the same, and though nothing gonna change, still...

...I hope someday you'll have it all!~

NSFW

When you think it's not gonna be worse, usually, it does!

I thought by working on the G-lab, at least we won't be worried about the budget. Even when I first started here, that what's being reassured to me. Of course, the experience for working under the grant-based research lab make me experienced with all the tight-budget working environment, but back then, if the budget was tight, the samples ain't flowing, and we bid our time wisely. Most of the time, our superior who will aware first about the budget, therefore there was no pressure on result when the budget became tight, somehow...

But here, you can't complain, because basically nobody will hear it. You were expected to be flexible without jeopardizing the routine or the result. Add the fact that we're so far away from our own HQ, and have to be the HQ itself for the state branches! So in other words, all our problems has to be solved by ourselves most of the time, and all the problems from the branch are also considered our problems. Most of the problems being dealt was about the money!

The thing is, we're mainly be doing the samples from HQ, but we're almost being treated like a rubbish. As if  the lab result wasn't important, but it's really call for the question, why have them at the first place??

If we can't maintain our lab because of the tight budget, then why not just closed it? It will save at least half a million per year for the government on the operation cost only! They don't really used the results anyways...

I'm ranting here, I know. Not usually stuff I did, at least not on the job front on this blog! But at time I feel like being pushed to the limit! If we keep this quiet, then they will say we ain't doing a thing. If we let the higher up know, we were told to be patient and take it as it is. Still, no action taken! Can we accused the higher up for going to sleep to our request? No, because our society didn't work that way!

How can the quality be maintain when the cost is climbing up, but the budget keep getting trimmed? Nobody fight for more fair budget, even those who their samples being test by us we're almost mute on the issues, as if all the money already gone to the other project as if it was more important. But if it so, then let us free, if you don't need the lab, then, don't keep it!

I rather being jobless or try my hand at something else, than trying to keep a lab alive when everybody else trying to slay it like a dumb sheep!

Ermmm... oh! Ermmm... oh! Ermmm... oh!! OK!

"Captain America : Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you? 

Tony Stark : Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." - The Avengers (2012)

Steve Rogers (Captain America) really should ask more, "take that off too, who are you?". The problem of being Stark is that, yes he is a genius and all, but if he wasn't a billionaire, if his father wasn't a billionaire, would he be more than just a genius? Heck, would he even be a genius??

To describe a man, it's easy to look into all the positive aspect that are obvious on the man and used it as the definition of him; Tony Stark, a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and an Iron Man. But what about the other aspect? The negative one??

Would you rather loved someone because of his goodness or because of his weakness? Yes! I would rather choose the former too...

But what if, to know the true you, you have to combine both quality, and then ask the person closed to you, do you still matter to them? What if you know the darkest secret and the weakest point of my life, would you still look at me with the same eyes?

"I would never know, myself until I do this on my own,

I would never feel anything else, until my wound was heal,

I would never being, anything till I break away from me,

I will break away, I FIND MYSELF TODAY..."

-Somewhere I Belong, Linkin Park, 2002-

So, in order to find myself today, I will write (almost) entirely about me, just to conclude the bad things and the weakest point of me, also to highlight how that all the positive things about me maybe just a mere cover up or all the negative side of it. I don't know. You (readers) can be judge of it, if you like...

***

My full name is *talkIZcheap - has been censored, ha-HA!* It's mean the 'Honourable Praised' or 'Kehormatan yang Terpuji' in Malay. I was born on 25th July 1985, a second child of now, 8 siblings. I have an older brother. Funny things about me is that I never have a photograph of myself under the age of 3 years old, or maybe 4. There's one photo at my house that, according to the date of the photo taken, it should be me, but it was too wide angle that nobody can recognize the face. Not even my mother!

I had a rather normal upbringing of a middle class family, I guess. Since I've been living with one family only, I think it wasn't appropriate of me to make a comparison. But like any siblings, we have our siblings rivalry, it's normal I guess. But I hate my brother. He is a very definition of a little Hitler. A dictator himself, even at times, up until now! Everybody else in my siblings hate him, even though I can be annoying at times to my little sisters and brother, nobody really hates anyone else  coz we're seldom used a brute force upon everybody, unlike my eldest brother. Over time, he develop the sense of protector towards his brothers and sisters, but man, how I used to hate him when we were younger!

Well, actually, my brother and I was two hard head and we always at each other throat, a heat argument will start whenever both of us in the same room. My mom sure had an headache about it, maybe... From the football team we support to the every public issues highlighted in the news, we're always find something to argue about. That one thing of me, a very opinionated, but like once a friend of mine stated out, I usually have a very different view from any other person. I don't know either it's bad or not. 

But now, I've learn that being opinionated wasn't really, or at least, always a good thing. I've learn now to keep my opinion to myself, unless asked. Why? well, it's the reason of why this blog was created at the first place; opinion: it's only matter to the person who have it!

Well, where were we?

Ok, next, 

I start going to the kindergarten since I was 4 if I'm not mistaken. Actually, I've got two kindergarten for all my memory could possibly store of. One is an English oriented kindergarten where I went to with my cousins and my brother. Wait a minute, I've also went to another Malay oriented kindergarten, near the school my dad used to teach, but when was it? Damn! It's all got mixed up in my brain!

But really, nothing really good happen from kindergarten. When I enrolled to the primary school, some of the children talked about how they took exam at kindergarten and how did they scored. But I have no memory of sitting an exam during my kindergarten years. There were occasionally quiz about how to pronounce the English words at my first kindergarten, but I'm not that good in English, so, what did I do was to memorize what other student said before, and hope that I get the easiest of all the words... I get lucky often, then!

Been to the English kindergarten has it's advantage in primary school, especially when English subject wasn't introduced until after the second semester. But like I stated above, I wasn't really good at English, it just I'm more familiar with the words and know how to used dictionary before any other kids. Oh, I also went to the same school with my brother and my cousin (who is at the same age with my bro, really a good friend, them both...). Having been able to understand the teacher words, it's quite easy to be popular in your classroom. Well, by being popular, I do mean popular when the exam is near, but it's all count...

Having know the alphabet before starting school, I, however, did not learn how to read until Standard One. But being on quite 'Kampung' school, it's easy to stand out than the rest. You can say I was an 'A' student all the way back then. In fact, there's only 6 of us who scored straight A's back then in UPSR, and I'm one of them. Something I'm ashamed of since my bro batch got like 12 persons who scored straight A's, and was like a school record back then!

I always think that I'm superior than my bro (sibling's rivalry) on education front. I also believe my batch is superior, at least my classmates were! The result quite disappointed us, mainly because there were so many straight A's candidate who fall short on one subject... Something that somehow miraculously happen again during my SPM (I'm one of them, this time!)

What can I say about my primary school?

Like I said, I was a straight A's student, really nerd kind of boy without glasses of course. Because of my so-called 'better English' than anyone else, I've been chosen to play part in an English Play for the school with some other mates. I only know one of them who is sitting next to me in my class. The rest were from the other classes. I don't even remember what the play was about, but I've got one line, which is, "He has a gun!" and has to act like as if someone was holding a shot-gun. Our character is wild animals in the jungle and if my memory didn't betray me, I've played a rabbit (as wild as it can be!!).

But that wasn't a good part of it. The good part is, or was, the narrator for the story is a very cute girl! Someone who honestly I know would never has a chance to meet, let alone know if it wasn't for the play. And, yes, this isn't even a half of the good part of the story yet! The best part of this whole experience was how she, on every time we met, either at the canteen or on the side-walk outside the classroom, she will point at me in a stunt of a man holding a gun and repeat my dialogue, "He has a gun" back to me! I think that was my first crush, or maybe my 5th crush considering all the crush I had during my kindergarten... Yes, I am that easy!

I never met her again after Standard One, I don't even get her name...

I love football! 

I love it since the first time I've kick a ball which was at 5 years old. Only my bro and  me (my little bro just came at that time, age 1), kicking the ball at the drive-way, using dad car as the goal post. Our cousin will join us occasionally. Since my parent working and only come back after 5 pm, and my bro and I went to the same kindergarten as my cuz, so after school end, we'll all go back to my cuz home. There, around 5 pm, while waiting for our parent to pick us up, we will play 3-men football on my cuz driveway. Sometimes his much smaller neighbor joined us. The rule is simple, whoever scored will have to be a goalkeeper. My cuz was the better goalkeeper than the rest of us, so whenever he scored, we know it will be hard to get even. Some boys kicking the ball around, happy time!

At my primary school, the passion wasn't over. When the World Cup 1994 was held at United States, I was in Standard 3. At that time, Kelantan football was at their top too, challenging for a place in Malaysian Cup semis but came short of Kedah team. During those period, my best mate and I decided to make a football team of our own. At that time, my class got about 40 pupils including girls. Boys were about half of it. So we had plenty 'ammunition' to play football. So, I've became a captain of one team and my friend another. We even make a captain armband from a piece of a paper and would wear it proudly during Physical Education (PJ) time (Captain Tsubasa/The Kickers is really popular at this time). It was fun, it was chaos! One field shared with all level of students, with all kind of sports. We don't care who field did we cross, as long as there's a ball, and there's a goal! Ah... happy time!

If my school held a football team trial during my time there, I for sure will go for it, but there never was one. My senior got to build a hockey team, and from what I've heard, they were quite awesome in Kota Bharu district. Somehow our batch didn't get a chance to play a team sport to represent the school... 

But when I was at the standard 6, I've got a chance to play for the chess team (I was among a good chess player too since standard 4, hehe, small school, wasn't it?). But, while the teacher take all of our name, we're never been send to play for the tournament. From what I've heard, the tournament was cancel, but later on, I heard a rumors saying that they never really intended to sent us anyways. My unofficial less-than-semi-pro football career came to the halt at Standard 6, because somehow the school think it was cool to stop all PJ class and substitutes it with math instead. I never thought that sport ever hinder my result in class, but then, at that time, there were still no research about how good sport is to the brain and intellectual development. At this time also I've stop playing football at my cuz house since he went to a boarding school (MRSM) when he enrolled to the Secondary School... 

The National football's scene also hit a major setback at the same years, with news about players who take bribery was all over the news. Somehow, around that period, I remembered that Kelantan's fan has been banned from attending matchday at the stadium because of a riot happen before that had caused the fence between fans row and the field collapsed. 

It took me about a year later to kick a ball again in my life (in a very unfashionable ways possible!)!

What else happen during my primary school years? I was never popular outside my own classroom, but a very one inside it! I was known as 'answers provider', wasn't something you should be proud of, but as a kid, you take it as it came. There was one time I missed school for the whole exam's week because of flu (my bro too), and as a result, my cumulative point for that month was '0'. To make matter worst, I can only regain my points after two month since the next month after the very exam that I've missed had no exam. I was, for the first time in my life, been put on the last row of the class. But my teacher class was really an understanding person. He gave me a spot IN FRONT OF the number 1 students in the class, thus make me a number '0' student in the class, as if I am better than my friend who got first, he he.... But for other periods, I have to go back to be the number 48, HA!

When I think about it back, it's actually wasn't that bad, being last... I've got to know the other side of my friends. You see, I befriended all of my classmates, maybe not so much with the girls, but being a front-row student, at times you don't know how the back-row student struggling with their education. Being on the same level as them make me able to help them with their homework and so on. Sometimes you just have to pity them. It's not like they're asking to be slower, and it's not like they didn't work hard to improved too... Maybe because they're just kids, and at that time, don't really get what's an environment as student life is all about... Not saying that I know at that time, but at least when you have a better educated family background, you were told when to do your homework and when to watch the TV. You also had less problem to go to school than those who maybe had to help their parent with business or taking care of their younger siblings...

During my primary school, I never hold any duty as an officer of the students (Prefect or any kind of it) except once during my standard 6, which was given due the realization that I never once hold ANY job. My cuz was the Headboy for my school and my bro was also a Prefect. I've only been appointed because apparently, I'm the only one student left that the teacher trusted and had yet no duty of such. But soon, I will forget about being one. The only momento I've own to proved I am the class leader is the neck-tie that was distributed to all class leaders. The neck-ties were actually the old prefect neck-tie, so we, the class leaders were rarely wear it except during the assembly and any other formal school occasion. Everybody was ashamed of wearing it, really, except for the juniors... 

The thing is, the class leaders jobs were, among other, is to make sure that every member of the class go and do their duty to keep an area, which was assigned to each and every class, clean before the first period bell's ring. Also to bring the attendance book for the teacher to mark it. Since I almost every day late to school when I'm in Standard 6, because my sister, who went to Girl School near the area that was always jammed, decided it best to sleep up until 7.20 am every morning than to prepare for school, I was almost never did all the jobs required (except went to the office to get a new box of chalk when it's running out). All the duties was done by my assistant. She's very good at it too!

During the last week of my primary school, I've skipped about two days of school for a reason I don't remember it anymore now, which by one of that day, had been held a photograph session for all the class leaders of the year. I was absent, and my assistant, as usual, duly took over my duty and get her picture photograph for annual Class Leaders photo.... 

Story of My Life! (Well, she deserved it...)

-to be continued-

T/t: TL? DR? IDC!!! (Too Long? Don't Read?? I Don't Care!!)